Revision and Rehearsal

I have a poem I'm struggling with. I like it, but I look at it, I read it. I know it's not done, but I don't know where to go next with it. I've marked the changes in red, they are small but I feel like the rhetoric isn't as solid as I want it to be. I don't want to be (*gasp*) the death of all poetry and be obvious, but I also want to bring the idea home, make the connection without telling what it is outright. (I hate it when poets do that). Below is my embarrassing recording of the first version.  I've decided I don't like the changes, and I need to sit with this and think about it more.

Unmarked Marker It’s in fluffy, bunchy dark brown curls. In the company I keep when I set my knife and fork to four o’clock. A furrowed brow disbelieving, because I can’t say “The train hasn't come.” in Spanish. No one ever says what they think of you they just treat you that way. There are just opinions. Whether or not I am enough. Enough Black. Enough White. Enough Latina. It takes others to be included. What I know about myself is what I’m not.

(revision #1) Unmarked Marker It’s in fluffy, bunchy dark brown curls. In the company I keep when I set my knife and fork to four o’clock. A furrowed brow disbelieving, because I can’t say “The train hasn't come.” in Spanish. No one ever says what they think of you they just treat you that way. There are just opinions. Whether or not I am enough. Enough Black. Enough White. Enough Latina. It takes others to make definition to be interpreted, to be included. What I know about myself is what I’m not.